File Under : You've Got to be Kidding Me

After a blissful weekend-plus of uninterrupted network connections, including an entire day (Monday) of working from home, I've been mercilessly blasted back into the world of PC hell. And this time, it's worse. Like a bad movie sequel.

I should've known things were too good to be true.

After turning on my desktop PC, I went and put some clothes away as it booted up. Only to return to find one of those frightening DOS-like screens with the giant letters showing on the monitor. All sorts of warnings and scary messages which mean nothing to those of us without a clue about the detailed inner-workings of our machines.

I'm a programmer by trade and had a Commodore 64 computer when I was 13, which must put me into some level of 'computer nerd' (which I happily embrace, thank you). But when shit like this happens, I'm lost.

Vrr, k'plink. Vrr, k'plink. Vrr, k'plink... A repetitive... taunting... horrifying... sound. Over and over again - accompanied by an ominous message to the effect of "Windows can not find a hard drive" or some nonsense.

What the ?! Thus, You've got to be kidding me.

After a few weekends of battling routers, IP addresses, TCP/IP Protocols, Subnet Masks, etc., I felt as if I had slayed the Wireless Dragon. Desktop and Laptop, both humming along, internet connections ablaze. This, after months of my desktop being all but inoperable due to network chaos. I'm a genius, no?

No, apparently. I find my desktop laying on its deathbed; burnt to a crisp, sputtering its barely audible last gasps.

The fear rushed through me as I made an assumptive connection - the introduction of the new router had been the invitation the Dragon was really waiting for. I rushed to my laptop and started it up, fearing the worst.

Alas, you're reading this so, thankfully, my laptop had been spared the wrath.

Actually, thankfully might be too passive. Luckily might have been a better choice. Luckily for the manufacturer of my new router.

If my laptop had been affected in a similar manner, I'd have absolutely lost it. I can't think of what I'd do - as customer service, these days, is more customer avoidance than actual service - but I'd have started some witch hunt or another. And that would make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

In any event, I'm trying to remain relatively calm amidst the situation. I don't use my desktop all that much but I was looking to use it tonight to transfer a bunch of music from it to my laptop. That project will certainly have to wait. I just hope there isn't a similar timebomb awaiting me here in this machine.

For now, it's back to the research board. Searching for answers, solutions, any toe-hold I can find to resuscitate the damned, hairy ape.

Of course, I welcome any words of wisdom from anyone who's experienced a similar fate and give my gratitude in advance.

Either way, I still have to ask, "You're joking, right?"